sweat sexteen 11

A Gay Man's Life
...in song
...in 16 parts

stage 11: LETTING GO



but it wasn’t meant to be. You had to part ways with your first love and you rise to the occasion by being a martir, lips a-quiver.




Theme song: I will always love you (sung by dolly parton)
[yes dorothy, its not a whitney original. go see 'the best little whorehouse in texas"]


If I should stay,

I would only be in your way.

So I'll go, but I know

I'll think of you ev'ry step of the way.



And I will always love you.

I will always love you.

You, my darling you.
Hmmm.



Bittersweet memories

that is all I'm taking with me.

So, goodbye. Please, don't cry.

We both know I'm not what you, you need.


And I will always love you.

I will always love you.




I hope life treats you kind

And I hope you have all you've dreamed of.

And I wish to you, joy and happiness.

But above all this, I wish you love.



And I will always love you.

I will always love you.

I will always love you.

I will always love you.

I will always love you.

I, I will always love you.


You, darling, I love you.

Ooh, I'll always, I'll always love you.

sweat sexteen 10

A Gay Man's Life
...in song
...in 16 parts





stage 10: RECONCILIATION

and sometimes it feels like you fight only so you can make up. Some of the sweetest moments in your life come at this stage, when you believe again.



Theme song: my favorite mistake (sung by Sheryl crow)


I woke up and called this morning

The tone of your voice was a warning

That you don't care for me anymore


I made up the bed we sleep in

I looked at the clock when you creep in

It's 6 a.m. and I'm alone


Chorus:

Did you know when you go

It's the perfect ending

To the bad day that was just beginning

When you go all I know is

You're my favorite mistake



Your friends are sorry for me

They watch you pretend to adore me

But I'm no fool to this game


Now here comes your secret lover

She'd be unlike any other

Until your guilt goes up in flames



[Chorus:]




Well maybe nothin' lasts forever

Even when you stay together

I don't need forever after

It's your laughter won't let me go

So I'm holding on this way



Did you know, could you tell

You were the only one

That I ever loved

Now everything's so wrong



Did you see me walking by?

Did it ever make you cry?


You're my favorite mistake

You're my favorite mistake

You're my favorite mistake

sweat sexteen 9

A Gay Man's Life
...in song
...in 16 parts





stage 9: A BIG FIGHT

to paraphrase norma desmond, great love comes with great fights, anything from weeks of deadma to cat/dogfights to screaming matches and flying objects. Oy!

Theme song: you’re gonna love me (sung by Jennifer Hudson; sorry ex-korean!)

I STILL DUNNO WHY MY LINKS WONT SHOW IN THE PAGE! someone please help...?

And I am telling you

I'm not going.

You're the best man I'll ever know.

There's no way I can ever go,

No, no, no, no way,

No, no, no, no way I'm livin' without you.

I'm not livin' without you.

I don't want to be free.

I'm stayin',
I'm stayin',

And you, and you, you're gonna love me.

Ooh, you're gonna love me.



And I am telling you 
I'm not going,

Even though the rough times are showing.

There's just no way, 
There's no way.


We're part of the same place.

We're part of the same time.

We both share the same blood.

We both have the same mind.

And time and time we have so much to share,

No, no, no,
No, no, no,

I'm not wakin' up tomorrow mornin'

And findin' that there's nobody there.

Darling, there's no way,

No, no, no, no way I'm livin' without you.

I'm not livin' without you.



You see, there's just no way, 
There's no way.


Tear down the mountains,

Yell, scream and shout.

You can say what you want, 
I'm not walkin' out.

Stop all the rivers,

Push, strike, and kill. 
I'm not gonna leave you,

There's no way I will.



And I am telling you 
I'm not going.

You're the best man I'll ever know.

There's no way I can ever, ever go,

No, no, no, no way,

No, no, no, no way I'm livin' without you.

Oh, I'm not livin' without you,

I'm not livin' without you.


I don't wanna be free. 
I'm stayin',
I'm stayin',

And you, and you,

You're gonna love me.

Oh, hey, you're gonna love me,

Yes, ah, ooh, ooh, love me,

Ooh, ooh, ooh, love me,

Love me,
 Love me,
 Love me,
 Love me.

You're gonna love me.

shorties 4

A Yuletide Tragedy




It was the kind of night horror films are made of. His morning was bleak, the afternoon oppressive, the evening dull and now…..this. And he was in a mood that was no better. Contemplating now before the slightly distorted mirror, he was mad, afraid.

That morning’s routine passed in a blur of reflexes. Dressed in his best office attire, he hurriedly ate his breakfast and flew off to work. Arriving there, he was mobbed by the usual circle of boring faces, sniffing him like goddamned dogs.

“Uy, where’ve you been lately?”

“Look at you! You look like hell at best!”

“Why were you absent? We needed you for the reception of the Manila VIPs.”

“Our bosings are fuming like crazy!”

Which they were, he found out much too soon. The usual tired questions, advice he thought was too shallow, the lot. Yet he kept his cool; ask-me-no-questions-and-I-tell- you-no-lies attitude obvious. But deep inside, the fire was fanned. He was called by the HR Manager and the Accounting Department Head. Everybody seemed to notice him all at once and it disgusted him.

The morning gave way to the afternoon. And just when he thought he was going to have some air, his parents confronted him with the news that they knew of his politely-termed misdemeanors. And boy, did they make a fuss over it. Especially that one over smoking, drinking, and endangering his job in these times of crises. On the verge of tears, he went to a friend, his best friend.

“The gift of life is a gift of tears and laughter”, began his friend, who probably had illusions of being the male Oprah.

“I haven’t laughed in a million years.”

“That’s crap and you know it. There’s no harm in running away,” droned his friend, “provided you know what you’re running toward”.

“I was afraid of staying where I was. Anything was better,” he drawled back. All the while, he was thinking that someone somewhere was scripting this cliché-ridden conversation. It was like the Book of Proverbs was talking to Famous Sayings.

“Just what is it that they make you do, anyway?”

“The right things.”

“What’s wrong with – “the right things”?”

“Nothing; what I hate is that they expect no less!”

“Doesn’t matter. You go back now, say you’re sorry…..”

“I won’t, I can’t.”

“…..and everything’s gonna be okay, right? Be a good boy, now go!”

So now, crying before the foggy mirror, he was shocked at what he saw. Flared nostrils, bloodshot eyes, contorted grin. Sinister, he thought. But also alarmingly calm.

His hand clasped upon a gun. It came from he cannot remember where. Everything flooded upon him in an instant. They may be right but what they did not know was that he was a very lonely man, lost, confused, angry and rotting…..

He looked at his watch, realized it was midnight. A smile captured his face as he started to realize that he had been surrounded by communities of people the whole time but that they did not notice him in their happiness. Maybe just as well…..

The church bells tolled, angelic choirs rejoiced, children caroled. When nothing more is left to lose, even tears…..

He pointed the nuzzle at his head, thought that he read somewhere that this was not the right way to do it but was past caring, smiled and gently pulled the trigger…..

B A N G !

Merry Christmas.

sweat sexteen 8

a Gay Man's Life
...in song
...in 16 parts






stage 8: FIRST LOVE

you’ve had an endless string of one night stands, and you’ve added more memory to your card to accommodate your booking contact points. And then your man appears. He could be someone new who takes you on a whirlwind romance, or someone who’s been there all along.

Theme song: alipin (sung by shamrock)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XQaFAMqhLQ&feature=PlayList&p=F898155086B1D8D3&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=7


Di ko man maamin
Ikaw ay mahalaga sa akin
Di ko man maisip
Sa pagtulog ikaw ang panaginip
Malabo man ang aking pag-iisip
Sana"y pakinggan mo ang sigaw nitong damdamin

[chorus:]
Ako"y alipin mo kahit hindi batid
Aaminin ko minsan ako"y manhid
Sana at iyong nariring
Sayong yakap ako"y nasasabik...

Ayoko sa iba
Sayoako ay hindi magsasawa
Ano man ang iyong sabihin
Umasa ka ito ay diringgin
Madalas man na parang aso"t pusa
Giliw sa piling mo ako ay masaya

[chorus:]
Ako"y alipin mo kahit hindi batid
Aaminin ko minsan ako"y manhid
Sana at iyong nariring
Sayong yakap ako"y nasasabik...

[coda:]
Pilit mang abutin ang mga tala
Basta"t sa akin wag kang mawawala

Ako"y alipin mo kahit hindi batid
Aaminin ko minsan ako"y manhid
Sana ay iyong naririnig
Sayong yakap ako"y nasasabik
Pagkat ikaw lang ang nais makatabi
Malamig man o mainit ang gabi
Nais ko sana iparating na ikaw lamang
Ang siyang aking iibigin


ps. thanks to kiboy for introducing me to shamrock!

shorties 3

Freedom of Choice, 1



What a feeling it is to be married! Take it from me; I’ve been married for eleven years now and I still can’t seem to get over it…..sentimiroy effect……

I very much remember the first time Hillary and I met. There was not the cinematic thrill of the sea-breeze, nor the romance of the candlelit party, or the excitement of a social gathering nor the suspense of a blind date. It was a funeral, for Pete’s sake [and don’t ask me who Pete is…..that’s another story!]. But there was something in that small-girl look, that serene smile, the pristine face, deep-black eyes and confident bearing that taunted me. It haunted me. It got into me.

Before long, we were out on dates, having the time of our lives making faces at each other. I really am surprised that such a kaleidoscope of expressions can come out from a single face, Jim Carrey notwithstanding.

Then we have these popcorn fights – so damn North American – and silly games. It was all happening so fast and we were lost in the excitement of being with each other, being free, being happy, being ourselves and most of all, being in love.

I think that is the common link between us. Hillary wants to be herself as much as I want to be myself. The greatest thing is that we can be what we need to be, what we wish to be together and with each other! Sometimes things get so mushy we feel we ought to transfer to jobs as Hallmark and earn from our corny thoughts instead.

It was therefore inevitable that we took to living with each other and playing the husband-and-wife stuff. You know, the stuff Cardinal Sin warns us all about. But we always say that it was more than just the dull and routine man and wife thing, that it was a Hillary and I affair.

How I savored the feeling of just being with her! The feel of her long black tresses in my fingers, like silk. The smell of her, everything about her is an aphrodisiac, a stimulant and a relaxant to me. Go figure.

Many times did we sneak out for a shopping spree, then to a disco where we danced till our clothes clung to us like second skin. Then home to watch our favorite movies on betamax because we had these old beta tapes we didn’t want to throw out, laser discs be damned. Then maybe a cozy, home-cooked dinner and then – ah, bed.

There is no hurry anymore when we make love, we bask in each other. There is more to it than just lust. It is something coming from both the heart and the loins. Her expressive kisses, her passionate embraces, her loving caresses, her intelligence, her wit – God, what a feeling. What a woman!

It is now often that we talk about eloping since marriage seems to be out of the question. We don’t think marriage is cut for us. When you love each other as we do, you do not need to get married.

Besides, I am.

My wife’s name is Monica.

sweat sexteen 7

a Gay Man's Life
...in song
...in 16 parts

stage 7: GOING BACK TO MAMA

then suddenly, alien momma, the control and cleanliness freak, the saintly adviser bla-bla-bla, is there to offer a shoulder to cry on. Awww…
[luvya mom!]

theme song: dear mama (sung by tupac shakur)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNcloTmvTeA

You are appreciated. ..

When I was young, me and my mama had beef
17 years old kicked out on tha streets
though back in tha time, I never thought I'd see her face
ain't a woman alive that can take my momma's place
suspended from school, scared ta go home
I was a fool with tha big boys breaking all tha rules
shed tears with my baby sister
over tha years we wuz poorer than tha other little kids
and even though we had different daddies
tha same drama when things went wrong we blamed mama
I reminised on tha stress I caused, it wuz hell
hugg'en on my mama from a jail cell
and who'ed think in elementary, heeeey i'd see tha penitentiary
One day
running from tha Police, that's right
Momma catch me--put a whoop'en to my backside
and even as a crack fiend mama,
ya always was a black queen mama
I finally understand for a woman
it ain't easy--trying ta raise a man
ya always wuz commited, a poor single mother on welfare,
tell me how ya did it
there's no way I can pay ya back
but tha plan is ta show ya that I understand.
you are appreciated. .....

Chorus
Laaaaady, don't cha know we luv ya
Sweeeet Laaaady, place no one above ya
Sweeeet Laaaady, don't cha know we luv ya

Ain't nobody tell us it wuz fair
no luv for my daddy, cause tha coward wuzn't there
he passed away and I didn't cry
cause my anger, wouldn't let me feel for a stranger
they say i'm wrong and i'm heartless
but all along I wuz looking for a father--he wuz gone
I hung around with tha thug's and even though they sold drugs
they showed a young brother luv
I moved out and started really hang'in
I needed money of my own so I started slang'in
I ain't guilty cause, even though I sell rocks
It feels good, putting money in your mailbox
I love paying rent when tha rents due
I hope ya got tha diamond necklace that I sent to you
cause when I wuz low, you was there for me
ya never left me alone, cause ya cared for me
and I can see ya coming home after work late
ya in tha kitchen trying ta fix us a hot plate
just working with tha scraps you wuz given
and mama made miracles every Thanksgiving
but now tha road got rough, your alone
trying ta raise two bad kids on your own
and there's no way I can pay ya back
but my plan is ta show ya that I understand
you are appreciated. ....

Chorus
Laaaaady, don't cha know we luv ya
Sweeeet Laaaady, place no one above ya
Sweeeet Laaaady, don't cha know we luv ya

pour out some liquor and I remenise
cause through tha drama, I can always depend on my mama
and when it seems that i'm hopeless
you say tha words that can get me back in focus
when I wuz sick as a little kid
ta keep me happy theres no limit to tha things ya did
and all my childhood memories
are full of all tha sweet things ya did for me
and even though I act craaaazy
I got ta thank tha Lord that ya maaaade me
There are no words that can express how I feel
Ya never kept a secret, always stayed real
and I appreciate how ya raised me
and all tha extra love that ya gave me
I wish I could take tha pain away
If you can make it through tha night, there's a brighter day
everything'll be alright if ya hold on
it's a struggle
everyday gotta roll on
and there's no way I can pay ya back
but my plan is ta show ya that I understand
you are appreciated. ......

Chorus
Laaaaady, don't cha know we luv ya
Sweeeet Laaaady, place no one above ya
Sweeeet Laaaady, don't cha know we luv ya, Sweeeet Laaaady

Laaaady...[fades] ...Laaaady


ps. thanks to tupac for introducing me to tupac!