Shadows
It was a rainy afternoon. He was at the cemetery, standing over a very familiar tombstone. Now it looked unkempt and uncared for. She wouldn’t have liked it; she was so neat…..
It has been over two years now and he still cried his eyes out every time he visited her. Why not, he thought?
They were so young back then. But they were matured in that way that only young people can be. The department store where they first met was still small and cheap. But it also offered the best bargains in town. Which was what brought them there in the first place one evening three years before.
How beautiful she looked in sweater and maong. Love at first sight? Why couldn’t he have met her way back still? They could have had more time with each other…..
A month had passed before they finally decided they were so much in love they just had to get married. So they did, even if they were barely legal. Besides, they were tired of waiting, tired of wanting each other fully, tired of not being able to stand one more night of just kissing and groping.
He thought that it would end happily ever after. But damn those fairytales and movies, it was not to be. It was not yet two months before she was diagnosed as positive.
He did not become a father. The baby died and she followed suit due to some mumbo-jumbo and a lot of medical jargon he doesn’t want to remember. All he knew was that it was a very serious disease, and a very painful one.
Now he was back again with nothing but his tears to hide and flowers to bring. She is gone now, they tell him. But she is not really, not in his dreams and memories and in the living pictures that play like a soundtrack to the bleak movie in his heart.
She is gone now, they tell him. She’s nothing but a shadow of a dream that might have been. Yes, but what a shadow……what memories, what memories.
Years later, a priest stood over her grave with the same flowers in his hands, the same smile on his lips. How romantic, was how many would call it. But the cemetery guard thought otherwise. He would always say –
“How terrible!”
Sunday, January 31, 2010
sweat sexteen 6
a Gay Man's Life
...in song
...in 16 parts
stage 6: DISAPPOINTMENT
then comes the time when everything seems dark and out of control, when it seems its you against the world. Drinks and drugs seem preferable to the agony of the emptiness inside.
Theme song: better days (sung by Dianne reeves)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlFj9iCnaIE
Silver gray hair neatly combed in place.
There were four generations of love on her face.
She was so wise, no surprise passed her eyes,
She'd seen it all.
I was a child, oh, about three or four.
All day I'd ask questions.
At night I'd ask more.
But whenever; she never, would ever, turn me away.
I'd say how can I be sure what is right or wrong ?
And why does what I want always take so long ?
Please tell me where does God live
And why won't He talk to me ?
I'd say, Grandma what is love ?
Will I ever find out ?
Why are we so poor, what is life about ?
I wanna know the answers before I fall off to sleep.
She sort of smiled as she tucked me in.
Then she pulled up that old rockin' chair once again.
But tonight she was slightly, remarkably
Different somehow
Slowly she rocked, lookin' half asleep.
Grandma yawned as she stretched.
Then she started to speak.
What she told me, would mold me, and hold me
Together inside.
She said all the things you ask
You will know someday.
But you have got to live in a patient way.
God put us here by fate
And by fate that means better days.
She said, child we are all moons in the dark of night.
Ain't no morning gonna come 'til the time is right.
Can't get to better days lest you make it through the night.
You gotta make it through the night, yes you do.
You can't get to no better days
Unless you make it through the night.
Oh, you will see those better days
But you gotta be patient.
(Be patient) oh baby, be patient.
Later that year, at the turn of spring,
Heaven sent angels down and gave Grandma her wings.
Now, she's flying, and sliding, and gliding
In better days
And although I'm all grown up
I still get confused.
I stumble through the dark
Getting bumped and bruised.
When night gets in my way
I could still hear my Grandma say
I can hear her say,
I can hear her say.
(Be patient) You can't get to no better days
Unless you make it through the night baby.
(Be patient) Oh, you will see those better days
But you gotta be patient.
Child, do you hear me, yeah.
(Be patient) You can't get to no better days
Unless you make it, you got to make it
you got to make it
You got to make it through the night
(Be patient) Oh Grandma, oh Grandma
Do you see me now, lady
Oh oh oh oh oh...
(Be patient) She used to sit me on her knee
She used to comb my hair
She used to tell me stories..
My Grandma took me everywhere
...in song
...in 16 parts
stage 6: DISAPPOINTMENT
then comes the time when everything seems dark and out of control, when it seems its you against the world. Drinks and drugs seem preferable to the agony of the emptiness inside.
Theme song: better days (sung by Dianne reeves)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlFj9iCnaIE
Silver gray hair neatly combed in place.
There were four generations of love on her face.
She was so wise, no surprise passed her eyes,
She'd seen it all.
I was a child, oh, about three or four.
All day I'd ask questions.
At night I'd ask more.
But whenever; she never, would ever, turn me away.
I'd say how can I be sure what is right or wrong ?
And why does what I want always take so long ?
Please tell me where does God live
And why won't He talk to me ?
I'd say, Grandma what is love ?
Will I ever find out ?
Why are we so poor, what is life about ?
I wanna know the answers before I fall off to sleep.
She sort of smiled as she tucked me in.
Then she pulled up that old rockin' chair once again.
But tonight she was slightly, remarkably
Different somehow
Slowly she rocked, lookin' half asleep.
Grandma yawned as she stretched.
Then she started to speak.
What she told me, would mold me, and hold me
Together inside.
She said all the things you ask
You will know someday.
But you have got to live in a patient way.
God put us here by fate
And by fate that means better days.
She said, child we are all moons in the dark of night.
Ain't no morning gonna come 'til the time is right.
Can't get to better days lest you make it through the night.
You gotta make it through the night, yes you do.
You can't get to no better days
Unless you make it through the night.
Oh, you will see those better days
But you gotta be patient.
(Be patient) oh baby, be patient.
Later that year, at the turn of spring,
Heaven sent angels down and gave Grandma her wings.
Now, she's flying, and sliding, and gliding
In better days
And although I'm all grown up
I still get confused.
I stumble through the dark
Getting bumped and bruised.
When night gets in my way
I could still hear my Grandma say
I can hear her say,
I can hear her say.
(Be patient) You can't get to no better days
Unless you make it through the night baby.
(Be patient) Oh, you will see those better days
But you gotta be patient.
Child, do you hear me, yeah.
(Be patient) You can't get to no better days
Unless you make it, you got to make it
you got to make it
You got to make it through the night
(Be patient) Oh Grandma, oh Grandma
Do you see me now, lady
Oh oh oh oh oh...
(Be patient) She used to sit me on her knee
She used to comb my hair
She used to tell me stories..
My Grandma took me everywhere
Saturday, January 30, 2010
shorties 1
A Question of Hope
I thought before that there was nothing quite so sad as when you lose a person you love so much to death. But there is something infinitely more tragic, something much more frightening than just the passing away, the irrevocable closing of the eyes and the chilling thought of bodily decay.
There is something much more terrible than the thought that you will never be able to hear that voice again, but in your dreams; that you will never be able to touch that face again, except in your painful memory; and that you will never be able to feel that certain beat of heart again, but in your too frequent bittersweet thoughts.
And that is when you lose the person you love to someone else. The shock. The anger. The hatred. The pain.
Years may pass and happiness may reign once more in your heart but there will always be nightmares. There is always – always – the teasing barbarity of life.
So you think you have forgotten, and you think that you have completely gotten over, that the love you had is gone, is dead and buried. When suddenly, things seem contrived to make you remember the joy, the ecstasy, and the life that was past. When a face in the crowd seems eerily familiar, a voice you could swear was the one, when every move you make and every turn of your head will bring you nostalgic memories, painful and tender.
But the one you love has gone. And life, as they say, must go on. So you go on.
With all the wistful aspirations for the future, and all the determination never to do it again, never to fall in love again, never to commit the same mistakes again, what with all the aching moments etched in your heart.
For you to cherish, for you to remember, for you to learn.
But, you never learn. Do you……?
I thought before that there was nothing quite so sad as when you lose a person you love so much to death. But there is something infinitely more tragic, something much more frightening than just the passing away, the irrevocable closing of the eyes and the chilling thought of bodily decay.
There is something much more terrible than the thought that you will never be able to hear that voice again, but in your dreams; that you will never be able to touch that face again, except in your painful memory; and that you will never be able to feel that certain beat of heart again, but in your too frequent bittersweet thoughts.
And that is when you lose the person you love to someone else. The shock. The anger. The hatred. The pain.
Years may pass and happiness may reign once more in your heart but there will always be nightmares. There is always – always – the teasing barbarity of life.
So you think you have forgotten, and you think that you have completely gotten over, that the love you had is gone, is dead and buried. When suddenly, things seem contrived to make you remember the joy, the ecstasy, and the life that was past. When a face in the crowd seems eerily familiar, a voice you could swear was the one, when every move you make and every turn of your head will bring you nostalgic memories, painful and tender.
But the one you love has gone. And life, as they say, must go on. So you go on.
With all the wistful aspirations for the future, and all the determination never to do it again, never to fall in love again, never to commit the same mistakes again, what with all the aching moments etched in your heart.
For you to cherish, for you to remember, for you to learn.
But, you never learn. Do you……?
sweat sexteen 5
a Gay Man's Life
...in song
...in 16 parts
stage 5: EXPERIMENTING WITH TRADE
admittedly not a regular occurrence but many experiment with getting or paying cash for sexual favors.
Theme song: rent (sung by liza minnelli)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ypKa1ErPy_U
rent
music & lyrics by the pet shop boys
You dress me up, I'm your puppet
You buy me things, I love it
You bring me food, I need it
You give me love, I feed it
And look at the two of us in sympathy
With everything we see
I never want anything, it's easy
You buy whatever I need
But look at my hopes, look at my dreams
The currency we've spent
I love you, you pay my rent
I love you, you pay my rent
You phone me in the evening on hearsay
And bought me caviar
You took me to a restaurant off Broadway
To tell me who you are
We never-ever argue, we never calculate
The currency we've spent
I love you, you pay my rent
I love you, you pay my rent
I love you, you pay my rent
I'm your puppet
I love it
And look at the two of us in sympathy
And sometimes ecstasy
Words mean so little, and money less
When you're lying next to me
But look at my hopes, look at my dreams
The currency we've spent
I love you, you pay my rent
I love you, you pay my rent
I love you, you pay my rent
Look at my hopes, look at my dreams
The currency we've spent
I love you, you pay my rent
I love you, you pay my rent
Look at my hopes, look at my dreams
The currency we've spent
I love you, you pay my rent
I love you, you pay my rent
I love you, you pay my rent
(It's easy, it's so easy)
You pay my rent (It's easy, it's so easy)
You pay my rent (It's easy, it's so easy)
I love you (It's easy, it's so easy)
(It's easy, it's so easy)
(It's easy, it's so easy)
(It's easy, it's so easy)
(It's easy, it's so easy)
(It's easy, it's so easy)
(It's easy, it's so easy)
...in song
...in 16 parts
stage 5: EXPERIMENTING WITH TRADE
admittedly not a regular occurrence but many experiment with getting or paying cash for sexual favors.
Theme song: rent (sung by liza minnelli)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ypKa1ErPy_U
rent
music & lyrics by the pet shop boys
You dress me up, I'm your puppet
You buy me things, I love it
You bring me food, I need it
You give me love, I feed it
And look at the two of us in sympathy
With everything we see
I never want anything, it's easy
You buy whatever I need
But look at my hopes, look at my dreams
The currency we've spent
I love you, you pay my rent
I love you, you pay my rent
You phone me in the evening on hearsay
And bought me caviar
You took me to a restaurant off Broadway
To tell me who you are
We never-ever argue, we never calculate
The currency we've spent
I love you, you pay my rent
I love you, you pay my rent
I love you, you pay my rent
I'm your puppet
I love it
And look at the two of us in sympathy
And sometimes ecstasy
Words mean so little, and money less
When you're lying next to me
But look at my hopes, look at my dreams
The currency we've spent
I love you, you pay my rent
I love you, you pay my rent
I love you, you pay my rent
Look at my hopes, look at my dreams
The currency we've spent
I love you, you pay my rent
I love you, you pay my rent
Look at my hopes, look at my dreams
The currency we've spent
I love you, you pay my rent
I love you, you pay my rent
I love you, you pay my rent
(It's easy, it's so easy)
You pay my rent (It's easy, it's so easy)
You pay my rent (It's easy, it's so easy)
I love you (It's easy, it's so easy)
(It's easy, it's so easy)
(It's easy, it's so easy)
(It's easy, it's so easy)
(It's easy, it's so easy)
(It's easy, it's so easy)
(It's easy, it's so easy)
Friday, January 29, 2010
Avatar ALERT!
due to the titanic success of Avatar, James "king of the world and of pandora" Cameron has started pre-production on Avatar 2!
you are one of the very few people to see this - straight from the studio!
pecks & fans, 1
220 friends in 3 days is what i got at facebook. not bad indeed, considering its a merging of my 4 different worlds.
FANS:
its only been 72 hours and i can understand why its addicting. ive found a lot of people that i have lost touch of, from elementary school classmates to old flings.
plus, ive made new friends through friends. no wonder its called social networking.
and its fun going through the pages of friends. ive found that there are some surprises every now and then, especially in their media sections (fotos and videos). i know now whos supporting noynoy and who is supporting villar, jejejejeje.
i have just uploaded terrabytes of material myself, stuff that ive been meaning to share for the longest time but havent got around to doing. facebook (fb) makes it easier, and fun.
i like the interface between iPhoto too. very user friendly. the chat feature is cool, and i read theres video chat already (havent gotten around to that yet).
the fan sites are cool, giving me a whole lot of ideas.
PECKS:
of course there's a downside. what doesnt, eh?
first off is the rather unstable publishing part. i have lost captions and postings not a few times, and its only been 3 days!
maybe its because im such a noobie that i havent found out the right way to go about doing stuff in fb.
the interface for keeping track of comments is awkward. for instance, have to keep on revisiting each of my photos so i can reply to comments if i want to because i cant from the wall, or from the comment summary page.
there should be a way to categorize my friends list (not just for chat), instead of just the alphabetical listing. then i can send a message or notice only to that sub-group. i just learned about tagging so maybe theres a solution there somewhere.
then there's the pillow fights and mafia wars and farmville clutter. im a very online person, and ive been using computers intensively and extensively but i have never gotten the hang of games.
and i visit friends pages and i see theyre filled up with gifts (which im supposed to accept and return) and extra harvest notices and such. at least theyre not like those really annoying chain text messages that warn me that something bads gonna happen to me unless i pass it on to x number of people! but still....
so, sorry to all if i ignore these okay? its not personal, jejejejejeje.
bottomline: im havin a real good time! hope you are too!
ciao for now.
FANS:
its only been 72 hours and i can understand why its addicting. ive found a lot of people that i have lost touch of, from elementary school classmates to old flings.
plus, ive made new friends through friends. no wonder its called social networking.
and its fun going through the pages of friends. ive found that there are some surprises every now and then, especially in their media sections (fotos and videos). i know now whos supporting noynoy and who is supporting villar, jejejejeje.
i have just uploaded terrabytes of material myself, stuff that ive been meaning to share for the longest time but havent got around to doing. facebook (fb) makes it easier, and fun.
i like the interface between iPhoto too. very user friendly. the chat feature is cool, and i read theres video chat already (havent gotten around to that yet).
the fan sites are cool, giving me a whole lot of ideas.
PECKS:
of course there's a downside. what doesnt, eh?
first off is the rather unstable publishing part. i have lost captions and postings not a few times, and its only been 3 days!
maybe its because im such a noobie that i havent found out the right way to go about doing stuff in fb.
the interface for keeping track of comments is awkward. for instance, have to keep on revisiting each of my photos so i can reply to comments if i want to because i cant from the wall, or from the comment summary page.
there should be a way to categorize my friends list (not just for chat), instead of just the alphabetical listing. then i can send a message or notice only to that sub-group. i just learned about tagging so maybe theres a solution there somewhere.
then there's the pillow fights and mafia wars and farmville clutter. im a very online person, and ive been using computers intensively and extensively but i have never gotten the hang of games.
and i visit friends pages and i see theyre filled up with gifts (which im supposed to accept and return) and extra harvest notices and such. at least theyre not like those really annoying chain text messages that warn me that something bads gonna happen to me unless i pass it on to x number of people! but still....
so, sorry to all if i ignore these okay? its not personal, jejejejejeje.
bottomline: im havin a real good time! hope you are too!
ciao for now.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
sweat sexteen 4
a Gay Man's Life
...in song
...in 16 parts
stage 4: ANOTHER HEARTBREAK
what goes up must come down, sang Alicia keys. And this time, you wallow in it, savoring each bitter tear. After an eternity, you put your freakum shirt on and shop or dine and wine…
theme song: dahil ba sa kanya (sung by jaya)
[my links dont show, and i still dont know why - help! - so im pasting the lyrics here]
Dahil ba sa kanya kung kaya't nalimutan mo na
Init ba ng yakap at tamis ng halik niya
Nagturo sa iyong damdamin
Upang ako ay iyong lisanin?
*
D naman nagkulang ang pag-ibig na alay ko
Di ba't halos ang buhay ko ay binigay sa iyo?
Bakit ngayon ay di na sa akin
Ang puso mo na dati ay akin lamang
**
Dahil nga ba sa kanya
Nakalimutan mo, aking sinta?
Ang sabi mo noon hanggang wakas
Tayong dal'wa ay magsasama...
Dahil nga ba sa kanya
Naririto ako't nagiisa?
Pag-ibig mo sa akin ba'y naglaho na?
Repeat *
Repeat ** [2x]
Dahil ba sa kanya?
Dahil ba sa kanya?
Oohh....
Dahil ba sa kanya
Kaya't ako'y nilimot mo na?
Dahil ba sa kanya
Kaya't ako'y iniwan mo na?
Dahil ba sa kanya?
...in song
...in 16 parts
stage 4: ANOTHER HEARTBREAK
what goes up must come down, sang Alicia keys. And this time, you wallow in it, savoring each bitter tear. After an eternity, you put your freakum shirt on and shop or dine and wine…
theme song: dahil ba sa kanya (sung by jaya)
[my links dont show, and i still dont know why - help! - so im pasting the lyrics here]
Dahil ba sa kanya kung kaya't nalimutan mo na
Init ba ng yakap at tamis ng halik niya
Nagturo sa iyong damdamin
Upang ako ay iyong lisanin?
*
D naman nagkulang ang pag-ibig na alay ko
Di ba't halos ang buhay ko ay binigay sa iyo?
Bakit ngayon ay di na sa akin
Ang puso mo na dati ay akin lamang
**
Dahil nga ba sa kanya
Nakalimutan mo, aking sinta?
Ang sabi mo noon hanggang wakas
Tayong dal'wa ay magsasama...
Dahil nga ba sa kanya
Naririto ako't nagiisa?
Pag-ibig mo sa akin ba'y naglaho na?
Repeat *
Repeat ** [2x]
Dahil ba sa kanya?
Dahil ba sa kanya?
Oohh....
Dahil ba sa kanya
Kaya't ako'y nilimot mo na?
Dahil ba sa kanya
Kaya't ako'y iniwan mo na?
Dahil ba sa kanya?
for dad
The Living Years
Every generation
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door
I know that I'm a prisoner
To all my Father held so dear
I know that I'm a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years
Crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thought
Stilted conversations
I'm afraid that's all we've got
You say you just don't see it
He says it's perfect sense
You just can't get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talking in defence
Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye
So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It's the bitterness that lasts
So Don't yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different day
And if you don't give up, and don't give in
You may just be O.K.
Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye
I wasn't there that morning
When my Father passed away
I didn't get to tell him
All the things I had to say
I think I caught his spirit
Later that same year
I'm sure I heard his echo
In my baby's new born tears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years
Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye
Every generation
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door
I know that I'm a prisoner
To all my Father held so dear
I know that I'm a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years
Crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thought
Stilted conversations
I'm afraid that's all we've got
You say you just don't see it
He says it's perfect sense
You just can't get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talking in defence
Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye
So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It's the bitterness that lasts
So Don't yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different day
And if you don't give up, and don't give in
You may just be O.K.
Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye
I wasn't there that morning
When my Father passed away
I didn't get to tell him
All the things I had to say
I think I caught his spirit
Later that same year
I'm sure I heard his echo
In my baby's new born tears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years
Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye
i remember you, dad
its been 8 years since dad passed away. and one of my deepest regrets is that i havent been a good son in his dying years.
for reasons i dont understand, one of my strongest memories was when we took the bus from salug to dipolog. lillian express, no aircon at that time.
i was on an aisle seat, and dad was in another aisle seat at my back. that used to be a 3 to 4 hour trip, what with the roads and stops as passengers come on and get off. bumpy. dusty. hot. smelly. noisy. cramped.
i know i fell asleep (i still do, on most land trips that take longer than 10 minutes) and i remember i woke up after a nasty bump to feel dads hands cradling my head from his seat at the back of mine.
he was doing that all the time that trip.
and he was doing that all my life. silent but reliable support.
i love you, dad.
for reasons i dont understand, one of my strongest memories was when we took the bus from salug to dipolog. lillian express, no aircon at that time.
i was on an aisle seat, and dad was in another aisle seat at my back. that used to be a 3 to 4 hour trip, what with the roads and stops as passengers come on and get off. bumpy. dusty. hot. smelly. noisy. cramped.
i know i fell asleep (i still do, on most land trips that take longer than 10 minutes) and i remember i woke up after a nasty bump to feel dads hands cradling my head from his seat at the back of mine.
he was doing that all the time that trip.
and he was doing that all my life. silent but reliable support.
i love you, dad.
sporting highlights 2
am confused....
is this the poster for pacman's latest fight?
or the poster for the next Screw Bella movie?
do enlighten me....
i await.
by the by, are you team pacman?
or team edward?
huh?
mac and i
got me a macbook pro 13" last month, and the magic mouse some days after.
so, this is what all the hoopla is all about! feels good, looks good, works...okay.
ive been using PCs since jurassic times (did you know monitors only came in green then?). and when i say use, i meant using a PC at least 8 hours a day, 350 days a year (the few days i dont are those time i go home to the province for the holidays), for 20 odd years.
the mac is all it is hyped to be. intuitive, user friendly, blazing fast and all. but i would not recommend it to a user with a PC background as intensive as mine, unless said user is prepared to unlearn a lot and have a kid's enthusiasm at learning something new.
because everything's new. the file structure, the system logic, even the minimize buttons are different.
and now people ask me what ive been asking before: "is it better?"
my answer after a month of fiddling....
its supposed to be. macs have the distinct advantage of having hardware & software being done by the same company and so, obviously, it can maximize its full potential in its applications and interface. softwares for PCs on the other hand, will have to contend with varyng performance because PC some in all types of configurations.
its supposed to be. safari is indeed fast. iPhoto is better than acdc. iTunes works wonderfully. my beef so far is that most media i have, and continue to find, seem like a better fit for PCs (many amateur videos, for instance).
i had to download vlc for mac and have reconfigured that all my video files open in this application because quicktime is such a hassle.
and lets talk files. i got a few portable hard disks with all my files. im talking word, excel and powerpoint. i had to buy the office for mac if i wanted to be able to continue work on them, and these software are a drag on a mac. veeeeery slow.
but the new files are real nice and fast (pages and keynote; havent used numbers yet).
finally, since macs seem targetted to a slightly upscale market (techs and geeks), many really useful third party applications (file joining/splitting, zipping, etc) come at a price. granted that, if you were earning in US dollars, they are relatively cheap. but compared to free apps for PCs, well, you get the drift.
bottomline: i wish i did macs years ago!
so, this is what all the hoopla is all about! feels good, looks good, works...okay.
ive been using PCs since jurassic times (did you know monitors only came in green then?). and when i say use, i meant using a PC at least 8 hours a day, 350 days a year (the few days i dont are those time i go home to the province for the holidays), for 20 odd years.
the mac is all it is hyped to be. intuitive, user friendly, blazing fast and all. but i would not recommend it to a user with a PC background as intensive as mine, unless said user is prepared to unlearn a lot and have a kid's enthusiasm at learning something new.
because everything's new. the file structure, the system logic, even the minimize buttons are different.
and now people ask me what ive been asking before: "is it better?"
my answer after a month of fiddling....
its supposed to be. macs have the distinct advantage of having hardware & software being done by the same company and so, obviously, it can maximize its full potential in its applications and interface. softwares for PCs on the other hand, will have to contend with varyng performance because PC some in all types of configurations.
its supposed to be. safari is indeed fast. iPhoto is better than acdc. iTunes works wonderfully. my beef so far is that most media i have, and continue to find, seem like a better fit for PCs (many amateur videos, for instance).
i had to download vlc for mac and have reconfigured that all my video files open in this application because quicktime is such a hassle.
and lets talk files. i got a few portable hard disks with all my files. im talking word, excel and powerpoint. i had to buy the office for mac if i wanted to be able to continue work on them, and these software are a drag on a mac. veeeeery slow.
but the new files are real nice and fast (pages and keynote; havent used numbers yet).
finally, since macs seem targetted to a slightly upscale market (techs and geeks), many really useful third party applications (file joining/splitting, zipping, etc) come at a price. granted that, if you were earning in US dollars, they are relatively cheap. but compared to free apps for PCs, well, you get the drift.
bottomline: i wish i did macs years ago!
sweat sexteen 3
A Gay Man’s Life…
…In Song
...in 16 parts
stage 3: ANOTHER CRUSH
but love, and life, must go on, as celine said with lotsa chest thumpin’. This time around, you are more tentative, afraid and excited at the same time.
Theme song: pagdating ng panahon (sung by aiza seguerra)
sorry, couldnt resist. check out the male version above
…In Song
...in 16 parts
stage 3: ANOTHER CRUSH
but love, and life, must go on, as celine said with lotsa chest thumpin’. This time around, you are more tentative, afraid and excited at the same time.
Theme song: pagdating ng panahon (sung by aiza seguerra)
sorry, couldnt resist. check out the male version above
sweat sexteen 2
A Gay Man’s Life…
…In Song
...in 16 parts
stage 2: FIRST HEARTBREAK
some good things never last, and in hindsight, this is so very predictable. But at that time, damn if it didn’t hurt so bad. (asus, im still explaining in song titles…)
theme song: mahal kita, mahal mo siya, mahal nya ay iba (sung by rey valera)
(Music & Lyrics: Ernie Dela Peña, Charo Unite)
sori couldnt find the rey version, so make do with tita shawie
…In Song
...in 16 parts
stage 2: FIRST HEARTBREAK
some good things never last, and in hindsight, this is so very predictable. But at that time, damn if it didn’t hurt so bad. (asus, im still explaining in song titles…)
theme song: mahal kita, mahal mo siya, mahal nya ay iba (sung by rey valera)
(Music & Lyrics: Ernie Dela Peña, Charo Unite)
sori couldnt find the rey version, so make do with tita shawie
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
87 in 24!
its been 24 hours since i opened this blog and my fb page (?, site? account?) and already ive connected with 87 people - family, relatives, friends, classmates and acquaintances. many were long lost and now suddenly found.
now, assuming i get half the contacts for every other day of a year, that would mean i would be in touch with 7,200 something souls! aint technology grand?
now, if only someone could come up with an app that will even out the time zones so we dont have to wait till 1am to chat with international connections! jejejeje
i opened these sites with no expectations so this is amazing for me. this blog is different though, coz it feels like a press release now, jejejeje. im hoping theres more interaction in the near future.
and, theres a lil buttefly in my stomach that keeps on fluttering as this is a very public coming together of my formerly different worlds. or, as i would like to think, my Sex and the City personas, jejejeje.
they say i got carrie's fashion sense and attitude. unlike carrie though, im still waiting for my mr. big
i definitely got samantha's sex life, ahem. i even had to let go of my own smith jerrod... [still miss you earl!]
my careers kinda like miranda's, high powered and upwardly mobile. that is, until i retired 2008.
my most underdeveloped side is charlotte. prim, happily married, with a kid - check....not!
and these sites have gathered my friends in one place...! yikes!
now, assuming i get half the contacts for every other day of a year, that would mean i would be in touch with 7,200 something souls! aint technology grand?
now, if only someone could come up with an app that will even out the time zones so we dont have to wait till 1am to chat with international connections! jejejeje
i opened these sites with no expectations so this is amazing for me. this blog is different though, coz it feels like a press release now, jejejeje. im hoping theres more interaction in the near future.
and, theres a lil buttefly in my stomach that keeps on fluttering as this is a very public coming together of my formerly different worlds. or, as i would like to think, my Sex and the City personas, jejejeje.
they say i got carrie's fashion sense and attitude. unlike carrie though, im still waiting for my mr. big
i definitely got samantha's sex life, ahem. i even had to let go of my own smith jerrod... [still miss you earl!]
my careers kinda like miranda's, high powered and upwardly mobile. that is, until i retired 2008.
my most underdeveloped side is charlotte. prim, happily married, with a kid - check....not!
and these sites have gathered my friends in one place...! yikes!
talent from UK
youve all seen and heard susan boyle, paul potts, leona lewis. heres faces of disco....fun!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0QR8LoyWeg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0QR8LoyWeg
a brief celebrity moment 2, prequel
the original shot taken in a house studio somewhere in cubao (?) after which we all went to a nice resto overlooking the city and a golf course.
a brief celebrity moment 2
during our annual convention in boracay, this tarp was plastered all over. got some good laughs and funny anecdotes about that! lol
eagerly a-wettin 2
W writes:
This is my first full tour since the My Love Is Your Love tour and I am so excited to be performing for my fans around the world after all this time. I am putting together a great show and cannot wait to perform the songs from my new album ‘I Look To You’, along with some of your favorites.
[Photo credit: Randee St. Nicholas, Source]
pec-ture purrfect
[thanks to dennis for this]
well, well, well! a vampire-lycan kiss made in gay photoshopic heaven! jejejejje. by the by, was it just me or was the lycan's teeth abnormally, supernaturally white in the last film?
opened my facebook account at the same time as this blog! whew! whattaday.
so thats whats it all about....
what next, multiply and twitter?
so thats whats it all about....
what next, multiply and twitter?
sweat sexteen 1
A Gay Man’s Life…
…In Song
...in 16 parts
stage 1: FIRST CRUSH
the damning realization that you’re different comes with the tentative heart flutters as you look at your first crush – a boy! Or a man. The joyous descent into marginalization is filled with fantasies and the onset of masturbation. Yikes!
theme song: I get weak (sung by sisters with voices)
Nervously (sung by pet shop boys)
nervously
(Tennant/Lowe)
------------
A nervous boy in several ways
I never knew the world could operate this way
I was nervous when we stopped to speak
And the world came crashing around my feet
We don't talk of love
We're much too shy
But nervously we wonder when and why
A nervous boy, in spite of which
I never thought I could tremble as much as this
Your flashing eyes and sudden smiles
Are never quite at ease, and neither am I
Oh, we'll talk about it all some night
But nervously we never get it
Right
From the start I approved of you
Right from the moment you turned to face me
A nervous boy from another town
With a nervous laugh and a concentrated frown
I spoke too fast with watchful eyes
Of a recent past and some nostalgic surprise
We don't talk of love
We're much too shy
But nervously we wonder when and
Smile
Knowing why I approved of you
Right from the moment you turned to face me
A nervous boy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eS30s3X5ccM
weak
------
[Verse 1]
I don't know what it is that you've done to me...
but it's caused me to act in such a crazy way.
Whatever it is that you do when you do what you're doing...
it's a feeling that I want to stay.
[Bridge]
'Cause my heart starts beating triple time,
with thoughts of loving you on my mind.
I can't figure out just what to do,
when the cause and cure is you.
[Chorus]
I get so weak in the knees I can hardly speak.
I lose all control and something takes over me.
In a daze, your love's so amazing, it's not a phase.
I want you to stay with me, by my side.
I swallow my pride, your love is so sweet.
It knocks me right off of my feet.
I can't explain why your loving makes me weak.
[Verse 2]
It's Time after time after time I've tried to fight it.
But your love is strong it keeps on holding on.
Resistance is down when you're around, starts fading.
In my condition I don't want to be alone.
[Bridge]
[Chorus]
[Verse 3]
I try hard to fight it.
No way can I deny it.
Your love's so sweet.
It knocks me off my feet.
[Chorus]
I get so weak...
Blood starts racing through my veins
I get so weak...
Boy it's something I can't explain.
I get so weak...
Something 'bout the way you do
the things you do ooh ooh, it...
knocks me right off of my feet,
off of my feet.
Can't explain why your loving makes me weak.
[Chorus]
…In Song
...in 16 parts
stage 1: FIRST CRUSH
the damning realization that you’re different comes with the tentative heart flutters as you look at your first crush – a boy! Or a man. The joyous descent into marginalization is filled with fantasies and the onset of masturbation. Yikes!
theme song: I get weak (sung by sisters with voices)
Nervously (sung by pet shop boys)
nervously
(Tennant/Lowe)
------------
A nervous boy in several ways
I never knew the world could operate this way
I was nervous when we stopped to speak
And the world came crashing around my feet
We don't talk of love
We're much too shy
But nervously we wonder when and why
A nervous boy, in spite of which
I never thought I could tremble as much as this
Your flashing eyes and sudden smiles
Are never quite at ease, and neither am I
Oh, we'll talk about it all some night
But nervously we never get it
Right
From the start I approved of you
Right from the moment you turned to face me
A nervous boy from another town
With a nervous laugh and a concentrated frown
I spoke too fast with watchful eyes
Of a recent past and some nostalgic surprise
We don't talk of love
We're much too shy
But nervously we wonder when and
Smile
Knowing why I approved of you
Right from the moment you turned to face me
A nervous boy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eS30s3X5ccM
weak
------
[Verse 1]
I don't know what it is that you've done to me...
but it's caused me to act in such a crazy way.
Whatever it is that you do when you do what you're doing...
it's a feeling that I want to stay.
[Bridge]
'Cause my heart starts beating triple time,
with thoughts of loving you on my mind.
I can't figure out just what to do,
when the cause and cure is you.
[Chorus]
I get so weak in the knees I can hardly speak.
I lose all control and something takes over me.
In a daze, your love's so amazing, it's not a phase.
I want you to stay with me, by my side.
I swallow my pride, your love is so sweet.
It knocks me right off of my feet.
I can't explain why your loving makes me weak.
[Verse 2]
It's Time after time after time I've tried to fight it.
But your love is strong it keeps on holding on.
Resistance is down when you're around, starts fading.
In my condition I don't want to be alone.
[Bridge]
[Chorus]
[Verse 3]
I try hard to fight it.
No way can I deny it.
Your love's so sweet.
It knocks me off my feet.
[Chorus]
I get so weak...
Blood starts racing through my veins
I get so weak...
Boy it's something I can't explain.
I get so weak...
Something 'bout the way you do
the things you do ooh ooh, it...
knocks me right off of my feet,
off of my feet.
Can't explain why your loving makes me weak.
[Chorus]
eagerly a-wettin 1
yes, ive seen every single episode of the series (i own the original vcds!)
watched and giggled like a teenage junkie the first movie. so of course im looking forward to SATC 2.
http://www.sexandthecitymovie.org/
the gay plan
hokay, heres the plan.
there will be regular sections:
EAGERLY A-WETTIN
for stuff im looking forward to. music, movies, books.
PECKS AND FANS
my version of picks and pans of anything under the sun & moon.
PEC-TURE PURRFECT
fotos that get to me, good or bad.
SHORTIES
for the jottings ive done since childhood. ever heard of typewriters? lol.
i hope these sections will grow, and hope to add more! any ideas?
there will be regular sections:
EAGERLY A-WETTIN
for stuff im looking forward to. music, movies, books.
PECKS AND FANS
my version of picks and pans of anything under the sun & moon.
PEC-TURE PURRFECT
fotos that get to me, good or bad.
SHORTIES
for the jottings ive done since childhood. ever heard of typewriters? lol.
i hope these sections will grow, and hope to add more! any ideas?
a gay new era begins!
for the longest time, (misguided?) friends have been urging me to blog. and i've been looking for something new to do in the year dos oten, hence, this blog!
im not entirely sure where this will lead, and that is part of the thrill right?
so, welcome one and all!
Friday, January 1, 2010
shorties 3
FEVER!
“Dear Teacher,
Please excuse me for being absent because I have a high fever…..”
High fever, ha! It has become the most wrongly-used medical term since the excuse letter has been introduced.
With a high fever, many times of course coupled with a complication or something, we can be excused from being present in a class with the most intolerable teacher, an unprepared-for examination, and instead have a good time at the movies, go for a date or just bum around at the mall. Thanks for the fever.
This may seem to be the silliest excuse for the self-confessed moralists and intellectuals you meet in school corridors. Not for me, it isn’t.
For example.
Don’t you get bored with the very same routine every day that God has made? I do. Imagine passing through the very same smelly, crowded, polluted streets every morning and evening, seeing the same old, frequently crumpled faces of your dear classmates, being in the same room on the same building in the same class in the same….. it could go on and on and on. Don’t you get a feeling of déjà vu? I do.
Then imagine also getting up in the morning to the shrill sound of your cheap alarm clock or the cacophony of toilets flushing and doors slamming and mongrels barking. And knowing what lies ahead – a quiz, an English professor who makes everything Jimmy Santos says sound like advanced phonetics, a sadistic math teacher who could not tolerate anyone getting a perfect score in his quizzes, a chemistry lab teacher who does everything so slowly; she also happens to lecture very softly she makes you wonder if your whole semester will be spent in an auditory exercise of sorts.
Add to this lot a group of classmates who are alternately jubilant and depressed, excited and temperemental, but all the while they remain the very same, old tired people. They are the students who are never absent, who study until the eerie hours of past mid-night in garishly-lighted grease-joints, who listens to lectures so avidly as if their whole lives depended on it, and yet – they are the very same lot who will unanimously cry out in sheer anguish at the announcement of an exam.
Boring.
Indeed, in life there must be variations. Or you end up doing everything automatically, reflexively, mechanically, depressingly. Which is why a stormy day, nay, even a calamity is very welcome news to students. After all, who does not need a respite from all academic responsibilities?
There’s been no storm lately – damn El Nino - nor has there been an event significant enough to warrant a school holiday, so the first resort is the excuse letter.
But now, teachers tend to get suspicious of these fevers, you know. After all, they are not the complete jurassic assholes students make them or wish them to be. So that you need a more serious disease which you have to prove with a medical certificate. What if you haven’t been to a doctor?
I therefore suggest: “Dear Teacher, Please excuse me for being absent in class today because I am not feeling well. In fact, I feel lousy and I feel I need – I deserve – a vacation to smooth out things. Besides, I don’t really look up to seeing you make my day. I sincerely hope that you will understand.”
Isn’t it also boring to enroll again in the very same subject you flunked and go through the very same subject matter again – all because of an excuse letter? He-he-he.
So that it is still better (and more rewarding) to have a fever, after all. Back to the basics, so to speak.
“Dear Teacher,
Please excuse me for being absent today because I have to stay in bed due to a very high fever…..”
Never goes out of style.
“Dear Teacher,
Please excuse me for being absent because I have a high fever…..”
High fever, ha! It has become the most wrongly-used medical term since the excuse letter has been introduced.
With a high fever, many times of course coupled with a complication or something, we can be excused from being present in a class with the most intolerable teacher, an unprepared-for examination, and instead have a good time at the movies, go for a date or just bum around at the mall. Thanks for the fever.
This may seem to be the silliest excuse for the self-confessed moralists and intellectuals you meet in school corridors. Not for me, it isn’t.
For example.
Don’t you get bored with the very same routine every day that God has made? I do. Imagine passing through the very same smelly, crowded, polluted streets every morning and evening, seeing the same old, frequently crumpled faces of your dear classmates, being in the same room on the same building in the same class in the same….. it could go on and on and on. Don’t you get a feeling of déjà vu? I do.
Then imagine also getting up in the morning to the shrill sound of your cheap alarm clock or the cacophony of toilets flushing and doors slamming and mongrels barking. And knowing what lies ahead – a quiz, an English professor who makes everything Jimmy Santos says sound like advanced phonetics, a sadistic math teacher who could not tolerate anyone getting a perfect score in his quizzes, a chemistry lab teacher who does everything so slowly; she also happens to lecture very softly she makes you wonder if your whole semester will be spent in an auditory exercise of sorts.
Add to this lot a group of classmates who are alternately jubilant and depressed, excited and temperemental, but all the while they remain the very same, old tired people. They are the students who are never absent, who study until the eerie hours of past mid-night in garishly-lighted grease-joints, who listens to lectures so avidly as if their whole lives depended on it, and yet – they are the very same lot who will unanimously cry out in sheer anguish at the announcement of an exam.
Boring.
Indeed, in life there must be variations. Or you end up doing everything automatically, reflexively, mechanically, depressingly. Which is why a stormy day, nay, even a calamity is very welcome news to students. After all, who does not need a respite from all academic responsibilities?
There’s been no storm lately – damn El Nino - nor has there been an event significant enough to warrant a school holiday, so the first resort is the excuse letter.
But now, teachers tend to get suspicious of these fevers, you know. After all, they are not the complete jurassic assholes students make them or wish them to be. So that you need a more serious disease which you have to prove with a medical certificate. What if you haven’t been to a doctor?
I therefore suggest: “Dear Teacher, Please excuse me for being absent in class today because I am not feeling well. In fact, I feel lousy and I feel I need – I deserve – a vacation to smooth out things. Besides, I don’t really look up to seeing you make my day. I sincerely hope that you will understand.”
Isn’t it also boring to enroll again in the very same subject you flunked and go through the very same subject matter again – all because of an excuse letter? He-he-he.
So that it is still better (and more rewarding) to have a fever, after all. Back to the basics, so to speak.
“Dear Teacher,
Please excuse me for being absent today because I have to stay in bed due to a very high fever…..”
Never goes out of style.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
.jpg)
