tang

the 'wrong' reasons

1. you are much too young

2. you dont have the muscular body i usually like

3. you said you swore off women after 2 consecutive bad experiences

4. you have a daughter

5. you got used to relating with stereotypical gays who spend for you and give you 'gifts'

6. you dont have the academic credentials to make you a trophy catch

7. you dance like the devil in heat

8. your facial expressions when you dance attract all the wrong ones

9. you dont have a house or car or white collar job that makes you the traditional 'bring home to mama' material

10. you are much too streetsmart

11. your humility is easily mistaken for pretense

12. your penchant for not demanding much is too reminiscent of pump priming

13. your QT factor is way up, so that creates jealousy windows i could live without

14. you are a hard worker (that's a bummer because i want more time with you)

15. you smell clean (and i would have loved to write here that i hate your cheap cologne)

16. your friendliness is borderline flirting

17. you dont speak english well to rack up points in my colonial mentality

18. you dress simply (love the striped undies though, jejejeje)

19. you kiss like hell, it should come with a health hazard warning

20. you smoke when im trying to drastically cut down on this vice; and

21. you sound sincere!

there.

at least 21 reasons why i shouldnt be in a relationship with you.

one reason why i am -

I LOVE THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL, EVEN WHEN IM NOT WITH YOU!

walkin the streets

im a streetwalker.

i love walking the streets very late at nite or early dawn. its good exercise, can be cruise-y, is my me-time if im alone, or good time for talking if im with someone else.

needless to say, there have been a lot of bloggable walks. take last week, for instance.

rosie and i did a mini bar-hop. nothing that interesting happened but we got hungry. so we ate, at 2 different outlets because we couldnt agree, jejejeje.

we were kinda waiting for cabs to take when our masseurs passed by, it was closing time. just a friendly wave and smile, and they were off, probably to eat at larsian.

on the spur of the moment, rosie suggested we walk towards capitol, and we did.

the flower pic you see was in front of cebu doc and you gotta admit its a conversation piece. jejejeje. we took pictures of it as we found it.

the windmill pic is at the citisavings corner of the boulevard, yet another conversation piece.

so who do you think would put up this makeshift windmill and why? it was so high above to be a child's plaything unless that child is on someone else's shoulders.

it is not a particularly windy spot.

but it is there. and it does work.

so thank you, whoever you are. and continue to have fun!

pecks & fans, 7

PINO INASAL

pecks

considering that it is at fuente, it would have been better if it closed a little later because it can give outlets in the area a run for their money (its at the 2nd floor of cybergate).

menu is understandably limited, and its chicken inasal is so-so.

fans

for a pang-masa outlet, it has classy ambience; it even has outdoor seating!

'teresa' is a hunky chub of a waiter, with a smile that can lite up your day. jejejejeje. and he aint the only eye candy there too...

the P60 chicken sausage & bicol express combo that i had was actually okay, what with the unlimited rice. will try the pork version to see if its better (it should be).

bottomline: we are going back....

the boxer

was walkin to moonburst when i spotted him walkin along the street with 3 of his friends. tried to catch his eye but no deal. oh well, cest la vie.

sometime later, i was glad to almost bump into him in the bar, but he was dancing with trannie central, whose friends were all agog because he was a catch. illegally low jeans, black tee not too tight, mocha skin, and bedroom eyes that seem perpetually about to close.

was just enjoying watching him because i thought hes one of them trade boiz looking for ez cash.

sometime yet later, coming from the bar, i went back to find that he was gone, and so was trannie central. damn. oh well....

i found a spot to sit when who should be sittin at the next table but him! so of course i asked where trannie was and he said he didnt know, he wasnt with her. i was doing my 20 questions bit when he said: i wanna dance.

so dance we did, all of 5 minutes. first thing, his friends came back in. after he disposed of them, it wasnt dancing no more, no sir. it was makin love on the dancefloor.

i learned that he is an amateur boxer who has won plenty, and had an upcoming fight in 10 days.

me: arent you supposed to abstain before a fight?

him: youre not goin to tell my coach, are you? and besides, this is all your fault! i cant go home this hard!

well, well, well. a friend in need.....!

but i thought, no. so we stopped dancin, drank the last bottle, talked about stuff like boxing and gay people.

he told me that since i refused his advances, then the least i could do was accompany him home. hokey! this is interesting, i thought.

home was an apartment where their coach and manager housed their stable of boxers. of course we exchanged numbers and set the date for our next meeting.

a kiss is a dealbreaker for me, so i asked for a goodnight kiss. he said no.

but he pulled me a little further along the road, where there was a vacant lot, and said: kiss lang?

i said yes, that will do, for me, for that night. so he kissed me.

and i kissed him.

and thus another scandal was made because suddenly the kisses were not enough. he had almost no inhibitions, he asked me if i still wanted to meet up with him again because maybe there was nothing to come back for.

boxers.... jejejejeje

he won the fight. and we celebrated it.

end of round.

pecks & fans, 6

extra service

they used to be called sauna baths or massage parlors. and a lot would go to them for the ‘sensations’.

now they are called spas. and a lot go to them for the extra service.

lets talk about that.

the downside is that it is prostitution. and you doubt the cleanliness of many establishments. since they dont require that providers take regular HIV/AIDS testing, then its always AYOR (at your own risk).

it is difficult to get good reviews about just the massage.

on the plus side, it is relatively cheaper than if you bought trade off the streets (the hotel room plus the fee would be at least 3 or 4 times higher).

it feels safer because it has a legit cover. there is also less embarrassment than when you enter a ‘casa’ or brothel.

and there are a lot of web reviews about the masseurs looks, ‘assets’ and ‘performances’.

no wonder they have proliferated.

if you want to test (taste? jejejeje) for yourself, first thing you have to do is undress completely. everything off.

many spas provide boxer shorts and stuff but you really dont want that added risk.

this is the first clue to the masseur that you are open to the possibility of extra service.

when his fingers ‘accidentally’ bump into certain things, or when he ‘accidentally’ presses his crotch on different parts of you during the massage, and you dont complain or move away, then you are on your way.

prices of the services vary, and more than half of these extra services are nothing but clumsy handjobs.

of course there are hustlers. they are the ones who automatically assume you came in only for the extra service. one of my own worst experiences happened when the masseur had his finger on the crack of my ass as he leaned over to whisper “sir, soft or hard?”. we havent even started the session yet!

these hustlers also dont take no for an answer. they know that many would find it hard to resist if you choose them by name, and they are already in the process of jerking you off as you haggle the price.

a few have been known to kiss the ‘no’ off your lips. talk about hard sell huh?

so, if you really wanna go that way, know what you want, and set your budget.

good luck and happy ‘biyaheng langit’ trip!

pecks & fans, 5

“gikapoy ka ba?”

so asks the latest spa to open in uptown cebu, pisil.

we didnt know anyone who could give a review on it so, oz and trey and i decided to give it a try. (hayyy, the sacrifices we make for the gay community, jejejejejej)

first off, the location is a bit off since its inside a small arcade where its the only thing open after 8 or 9pm.

the usual muzak and dim lights that would be ordinary at other places became better appreciated here because their entire frontage was plastered with garish tarpaulin posters of their menu of services and prices and a foot reflexology map (identifying which body parts were connected to what part of the foot; then, suddenly, at the bottom, there’s a link to ‘diarrhea’. go figure).

all the cubicles were upstairs. they have possibly the narrowest beds in the industry because i cant seem to find a place to rest my arms when im lying on it.

then again, it maybe because the leatherette-covered beds were new, and so were puffed up extra to accommodate sagging with wear and tear.

their staff dont have uniforms, and they are usually in our outside the lobby if they are not servicing, so that you can choose if you want to.

my massage was okay. not good, not bad. [and when i say massage, i mean, massage! jejejejejje]

i liked that fact that my masseur didnt talk me up coz i was not in the mood for talking then. the cubicle space was really so small that he had to deftly maneuver so he wont press any other part of him on me, except his hands.

he didnt intentionally feel me up or something like that. and he didnt offer extra service. maybe he felt that i wasnt in the mood.

trey seemed to had a good time. he was chattily drinking up our portions of tea when i got down. and oz seemed to have a good time too, especially since he got the hunkiest of the batch that was there. jejejejeje.

so there goes our pisil experience.

and yes, im coming back.

correction, i already came back. LOL!

"jay"

i first experienced his massage in an uptown spa (that used to be the priciest there, hint, hint). twas the hardest soft massage i had and i liked it. of course, i came back. when i went back next (and no, coswald, this didnt happen in 3 consecutive nights! - jejejejeje), he wasnt there anymore. oh, well.

and then i visited another spa (still uptown) and found he was working there already. so i kind of became a regular client. wholesome all the time, okay?

though i gotta admit it takes a whole lotta control to remain wholesome considering how playful he is. easy on the eyes, and not a hustler.

plus, he does give good massage, sensitive to stress points and all. and he knows when to shut up because most of the time, i dont want to talk while naked and kneaded.

one time, he was in mid-massage, we were talking since the start since it was some time since my last visit, when i felt a change.

he became silent, and i felt him get hard, a first. and for you size queens, he’s just a medium, okay?

i asked him why he suddenly became quiet, but he just smiled.

when the massage was almost over, we crossed the line. it wasnt wholesome no more.

and no, he didnt quote a price, and i even looked for him after to give him his tip because i felt that he was kinda embarassed about it.

now im not saying i was the first client he did that with/to. but we were both changed by it.

a visit or two later, we had our talkiest session ever. i think some ice has been broken or something. then again, maybe it was the many bottles of beer i just had. as trey would text, watevs.

hemingways, it was the usual playful session but we were both laughing over a whole lotta stuff. this was almost closing time.

i think the other masseurs & masseuses got curious over what was happening in our cubicle that they went to the front desk.

imagine our surprise when the door suddenly opened and front desk lady was there, squinting her eyes to see what all the fuss was about.

she, of course, saw nothing out of the ordinary so she hurriedly closed the door, which got us both laughing all over again.

front desk lady was so flustered when i got out. and not a few eyebrows went up when jay kinda shouted that i should wait for him to just put on a shirt coz he was going home already.

i think people took that to mean he went home with me. i sometimes wish he did.

but really, all we did was eat and talk and laugh some more.

i think that was one of my best sessions ever.

thanks jay. of course, i came back.

The First Time Always Hurts

The night started with excitement. I hurried from work to home to change and leave my laptop. Then off to Waterfront Hotel for “REveal”, the first major fashion show of friend and former staff Ronald Villavelez.

It was a success [read separate blog entry on this].

A friend (John) whom ive met the last three times he was back from the middle east was supposed to join me in the fashion show but was a no-show. So i was on the way from the hotel to a coffee shop uptown to meet Ozzie when John texted that he was already in Doce (a gay friendly bar) alone.

Being the good host, i texted Ozzie that i’m meeting John at Doce instead and requested him to follow me there.

The taxi driver, who seemed good natured (he offered me some of the food he was eating), requested for exact fare.

That’s when i put my week-old phone down on the seat to get change from my pocket. I arrived, paid the exact fare, got out, and started to cross the street when i remembered my phone!

I was still halfway across the street but had to pause a bit to allow a car or two to pass by, all the time seeing that my cab was inching away slowly.

I thought i would be able to catch up because there were people hailing cabs in the area, but other taxis were there, so my taxi drove away!

I got on another cab, telling the driver we needed to catch up with that taxi because i left my phone in it.

But what do you know, bad luck reigned supreme that night.

We were stopped by red lights two times before we completely lost him. So i told the commiserating driver to u-turn and return me to where i hailed him.

When we got there, i was surprised to note that the taxi meter read 90.00 for a trip that should have cost no more than 40! Sensing my bad mood, the 2nd bad cabbie of the night said 50 would be okay.

I rushed to meet John to borrow his cell and called my phone many times. It rang everytime, which gave me hope.

In many stories like this, people calling their phones couldnt because the phones would have been turned off already by the thieves, with the SIMs replaced.

After another hour, Ozzie arrived unexpectedly and he also tried calling but this time, my phone was already turned off.

We had no choice but to call my service provider to report the loss so outgoing calls and messages can be barred.

This is the first time ever that i ever left anything in a ride. What irritates me most was not the fact that im embarrased about my forgetfulness, or my initial good impression of the cab driver, or the exploitative nature of the 2nd cabbie, or that i lost a new phone.

What gets me is that i was just starting to enjoy that new fone. I blogged already about the troubles i went through to have my contacts transferred from my old phone to the new one. I was just about done figuring out how things worked on the new unit, how to download and group music, how to group my contacts, how to edit photos on it, and stuff.

And then i lost it.

C’est la vie? Well yeah, and life does go on.

In the meantime, i wish the thief/thieves would die a very slow and utterly painful death, together with his/her loved ones!

Oh, and world peace to everyone!

eagerly a-wettin 3

ive been a sade fan since smooth operator debuted 25 years ago. cant believe its been that long. and yes, i have all the albums.

theres just something silky and sultry in her/their songs. most of the time, i can imagine it playing in a smoky dark bar, a piano in a corner, and aproned waiters.

i have listened to the new single and seen the new vid.

i cant wait to buy it in stores soon! i know they said worldwide debut on feb8 but it hasnt hit these shores yet.

now, on to the vid. very unique and groundbreaking for her/them.

the military motif, the many costume changes, the dancing. the madonna-ish dust-kicking, the contemporary beat......nice!

only thing is, is it just me or does she look like gloria estefan in many angles? has she had work done on her face? dang....

pecks & fans, 4

smart and nokia

ive been a smart user ever since i had my first fone (nokia ringo anyone?). for the most part, i did not have any problems with them.

december last year, i decided to inquire about my retention benefits. i went to sm for 3 or 4 times but left unattended because i couldnt stand the waiting time. considering their size, they really should add more counters for customer service!

last month, i was able to get through at last. i decided to get a new unit (nokia 5800). kathleen, the customer service rep, was very accommodating. i wanted to get the white one but it seems they dont have it. she gave me her number for when i do decide to get the new unit, so i dont have to queue again. nice.

when i did decide to contact her, she didnt return my texts or calls. hmmmmm.

i finally did get through, and she accommodated me even if she wasnt on duty. got my new phone and started toying with it.

i could move my messages and calendar entries from my old one (e6500) to the new phone via bluetooth. but my contacts were lost in the migration.

so i went back yesterday. kath was there and she tried to do it but couldnt. she immediately brought me to nokia care, and hurried back to smart to get me my referral.

i was called to counter 2. i explained the problem.

immediately after i did, the slicked-back chub said that we couldnt do anything about it. if my unit was for repair, they would "flash" it and everything would be erased.

i explained again. it was a 2 day old fone so there was nothing to erase. so could they flash it and move my contacts?

no sir, sometimes that happens. we cant do anything about it. if your unit was for repair.....

i explained yet again, this time in more detail. and again is showed him what i did so he can follow.

no sir, sometimes that happens, we cant do anything about it. if your unit was for repair.....

that was it. i raised my voice a bit and said he wasnt providing the technical support he is supposed to provide.

i guess it worked because he went inside, came back out soon after and said they will have to erase everything so we can try again. be back in an hour.

after an hour, i came back. i did the bluetooth migration once again. he went back inside. and voila! my contacts, close to 2000 entries, were successfully moved!

then i asked about one of the things he kept repeating, that i should use my computer to do file transfers. i told them i read the literature and there was no mention of apple/mac. does he know if i can download something that is for mac?

sir, its automatic. when you insert the cd, or download software, it will ask you what operating system you are using, just check vista or xp and you are done!

i said, im using apple.

he said, sir its automatic, when you insert....

i cut him off and told him to go back inside and ask.

when he came back, he said, no sir, i dont think we can do macs but there might be a new release soon.

i left. i think i said thank you faintly. but he was obviously relieved i left.

NOKIA Cares. i think they do.

but in my case, the 'they' are kept inside. and their counter people need a whole lot of re-tooling. in the case of counter 2, i have a feeling no amount of re-training will work.

he just has to go.

pecks & fans, 3

cakewalkers at d'strip

PECKS
they dont issue receipts (?). huh?
many items in their menu are 'out-of-stock'.
they only have 2 comfy chairs!
they dont accept cards.
probably due to their location, some guests (usually at the 2nd floor loft) are loud.

FANS
coffee is good.

the cakes come in big slices, yum!

wifi is fast and free.

electricity is free!

good traffic of eye candy, including a barista or two, if you go for twinks.

sweat sexteen 16

A Gay Man's Life
...in song
...in 16 parts

stage 16: HAPPILY EVER AFTER...!?!



With your partner beside you, you look to a common future with hope.

Theme song: I don’t know much (sung by Linda ronstadt and aaron Neville)






Look at this face

I know the years are showing

Look at this life

I still don't know where it's going


I don't know much

But I know I love you

And that may be all
I need to know.


Look at these eyes

They've never seen what mattered

Look at this dream,

So beaten and so battered


I don't know much

But I know I love you

And that may be all I need to know.


So many questions

Still left unanswered

So much I've never broken through

And when I feel you near me

Sometimes I see so clearly

The only truth I've ever known

Is me and you


Look at this man

So blessed with inspiration

Look at this soul

Still searching for salvation


I don't know much

But I know I love you

And that may be all I need to know


I don't know much

But I know I love you

And that may be all I need to know


I don't know much

But I know I love you

And that may be all there is to know

sweat sexteen 15

A Gay Man's Life
...in song
...in 16 parts

stage 15: ADVOCACY



your recent experiences lead you to join the fight to make this experience available and accessible to others. Name, claim and proclaim. You either join an LGBT organization or just simply stand up and fight.

Theme song: free your mind (sung by en vogue)



I wear tight clothing,
high heeled shoes

It doesn't mean that I'm a prostitute,
no, no, no


I like rap music, wear hip hop clothes

That doesn't mean that I'm sellin' dope
no, no, no


Oh my forgive me
for having straight hair,
no 
It doesn't mean there's another blood in my heir, ya,

ya
I might date another race or color

It doesn't mean I don't like my strong black brothers.


oh la la, oh la la, oh la la, oh la la


Why oh why must it be this way?

oh la la, oh la la, oh la la, oh la la

Before you can read me
you got to learn how to see me,

I said


Free your mind
and the rest will follow

Be color blind,
don't be so shallow.

Free your mind and the rest will follow

Be color blind, don't be so shallow



So I'm a sistah

Buy things with cash

That really doesn't mean
that all my credit's bad, oooh


So why dispute me
and waste my time

Because you really feel
the price is high, for me


I can't look without being watched,
and oh 
You rang my buy
before I made up my mind, OW!


Oh now attitude,
why even bother

I can't change your mind,
you can't change my color



oh la la, oh la la, oh la la, oh la la

Why oh why must it be this way?

oh la la, oh la la, oh la la, oh la la

Before you can read me
you got to learn how to see me,

I said


Free your mind and the rest will follow

Be color blind, don't be so shallow…

Free your mind and the rest will follow

Be color blind don't be so shallow....

Free Your mind!


oh la la, oh la la, oh la la, oh la la

Why oh why must it be this way?

Before you can read me you gotta learn how to see me,

I said


Free your mind and the rest will follow

Be color blind, don't be so shallow

free your mind and the rest will follow

Be color blind, don't be so shallow....

Free your mind!


pecks & fans, 2

sake is gone.

that's a bar in boulevard which we visited a few times. in its place is sugar ribbon "cakes, pastries, bread".




[pic courtesy of ian: http://manilaguy25.multiply.com/]
FANS

wifi is fast (attention coffee bean terraces!). and free.

probably the best love couches in town. 2 of them, in a corner. best for 2 to 4 friends.

though maybe not if you are a tad sleepy because its so comfy and feels just right.

cakes are okay (they look better, like most shops).

quite a good show of eye candy.

no muzak, which is a good thing considering that many shops stream elevator music.


PECKS

brewed coffee at P40 a cup is expensive considering the taste, that it is warm (not hot), and is only a little over half full!

and we're talking really small cups. any smaller and theyd be espresso cups.

they dont serve tap water. they could, but dont.

there are no seats outside for when you wanna smoke ciggies.

they charge P15 per hour for electricity. i know, some places charge higher but im used to free! jejejeje


bottomline: i might come back, if only for the seats.

ps. sorry, no pix.

sweat sexteen 14

A Gay Man's Life
...in song
...in 16 parts

stage 14: MAKING LOVE



and then, its not just sex anymore.
Ecstasy is a candle-lit home dinner, washing the dishes together, taking a shower together, going to bed and cuddling and snoring together. And not more than twenty words are spoken all this time. Whew!

Theme song: red light special (sung by TLC)


Take a good look at it

Look at it now

Might be the last time you'll

Have a go round

I'll let you touch it
if you'd
 Like to go down

I'll let you go further

If you take the southern route


Don't go too fast

Don't go too slow

You've got to let your body flow

I like 'em attentive

And I like 'em in control



Chorus:
Baby it's yours

All yours

If you want it tonight

I'll give you the red light special

All through the night

Baby it's yours
 All yours

If you want it tonight

Just come through my door

Take off my clothes

And turn on the red light



I know that you want me
I can 
See it in your eyes

You might as well be honest
'cause the
 Body never lies

Tell me your secrets and I'll

I'll tell you mine

I'm feelin' quite sexy

And I want you for tonight


If I move too fast just let me know

'Cause it means you move too slow

I like some excitement

And I like a man that goes



Chorus



If you want me

Let me know it

I'll make time but

You've got to show it

If you need me 
I want to see

But don't mistake me

I don't want you down on your knees


I need someone a real man

I need someone who understands

I'm a woman a real woman

I know just what I want

I know just who I am



repeat Chorus til end

sweat sexteen 13

A Gay Man's Life
...in song
...in 16 parts

stage 13: ACCEPTANCE



you have learned that your expectations got in the way in your past relationships. You realized that every fault discovered does not mean another reason to leave. You start to think this could be destiny.

Theme song: written in the stars (sung by the cast of aida)


I am here to tell you
we can never meet again

Simple really, isn't it,
a word or two and then


A lifetime of not knowing
where or how or why or when

You think of me or speak of me
and wonder what befell

The someone you once loved
so long ago so well




Never wonder what I'll feel
as living shuffles by

You don't have to ask me
and I need not reply


Every moment of my life
from now until I die

I will think of you
or dream of you
and fail to understand

How a perfect love can be
confounded out of hand


Is it written in the stars

Are we paying for some crime

Is that all that we are good for

Just a stretch of mortal time


or some God's experiment

In which we have no say

In which we're given paradise

But only for a day



Nothing can be altered,
there is nothing to decide

No escape, no change of heart,
no anyplace to hide




You are all I'll ever want,
but this I am denied

Sometimes in my darkest thoughts,
I wish I'd never learned



What it is to be in love
and have that love returned



Is it written in the stars

Are we paying for some crime

Is that all that we are good for

Just a stretch of mortal time




For some God's experiment

In which we have no say

In which we're given paradise

But only for a day

foto courtesy of my friend ian
who has one of the better blogs out there
visit now!
http://manilaguy25.multiply.com/

sweat sexteen 12

A Gay Man's Life
...in song
...in 16 parts

stage 12: REAL LOVE



a cat has nine lives. The phoenix rises from ashes. You get over your past and find your proverbial soulmate. Natch!










Theme song: I found someone (sung by barbra streisand and bryan adams


I finally found someone,
that knocks me off my feet

I finally found the one,
that makes me feel complete




We started over coffee,
we started out as friends

It's funny how from simple things,
the best things begin




This time it's different
It's all because of you

It's better than it's ever been



'Cause we can talk it through




Oohh, my favorite line was
"Can I call you sometime?"

It's all you had to say



To take my breath away


This is it, oh, I finally found someone

Someone to share my life

I finally found the one,
to be with every night




'Cause whatever I do,



It's just got to be you

My life has just begun

I finally found someone,


Did I keep you waiting,



I didn't mind



I apologize

Baby, that's fine

I would wait forever


Just to know you were mine



You know I love your hair,



Are you sure it looks right?


I love what you wear,


Isn't it too tight
You're exceptional,

I can't wait for the rest of my life

This is it,
oh, I finally found someone

Someone to share my life

I finally found the one, to be with every night



'Cause whatever I do,


It's just got to be you

My life has just begun

I finally found someone


Whatever I do,


It's just got to be you

My life has just begun

I finally found someone

sweat sexteen 11

A Gay Man's Life
...in song
...in 16 parts

stage 11: LETTING GO



but it wasn’t meant to be. You had to part ways with your first love and you rise to the occasion by being a martir, lips a-quiver.




Theme song: I will always love you (sung by dolly parton)
[yes dorothy, its not a whitney original. go see 'the best little whorehouse in texas"]


If I should stay,

I would only be in your way.

So I'll go, but I know

I'll think of you ev'ry step of the way.



And I will always love you.

I will always love you.

You, my darling you.
Hmmm.



Bittersweet memories

that is all I'm taking with me.

So, goodbye. Please, don't cry.

We both know I'm not what you, you need.


And I will always love you.

I will always love you.




I hope life treats you kind

And I hope you have all you've dreamed of.

And I wish to you, joy and happiness.

But above all this, I wish you love.



And I will always love you.

I will always love you.

I will always love you.

I will always love you.

I will always love you.

I, I will always love you.


You, darling, I love you.

Ooh, I'll always, I'll always love you.

sweat sexteen 10

A Gay Man's Life
...in song
...in 16 parts





stage 10: RECONCILIATION

and sometimes it feels like you fight only so you can make up. Some of the sweetest moments in your life come at this stage, when you believe again.



Theme song: my favorite mistake (sung by Sheryl crow)


I woke up and called this morning

The tone of your voice was a warning

That you don't care for me anymore


I made up the bed we sleep in

I looked at the clock when you creep in

It's 6 a.m. and I'm alone


Chorus:

Did you know when you go

It's the perfect ending

To the bad day that was just beginning

When you go all I know is

You're my favorite mistake



Your friends are sorry for me

They watch you pretend to adore me

But I'm no fool to this game


Now here comes your secret lover

She'd be unlike any other

Until your guilt goes up in flames



[Chorus:]




Well maybe nothin' lasts forever

Even when you stay together

I don't need forever after

It's your laughter won't let me go

So I'm holding on this way



Did you know, could you tell

You were the only one

That I ever loved

Now everything's so wrong



Did you see me walking by?

Did it ever make you cry?


You're my favorite mistake

You're my favorite mistake

You're my favorite mistake

sweat sexteen 9

A Gay Man's Life
...in song
...in 16 parts





stage 9: A BIG FIGHT

to paraphrase norma desmond, great love comes with great fights, anything from weeks of deadma to cat/dogfights to screaming matches and flying objects. Oy!

Theme song: you’re gonna love me (sung by Jennifer Hudson; sorry ex-korean!)

I STILL DUNNO WHY MY LINKS WONT SHOW IN THE PAGE! someone please help...?

And I am telling you

I'm not going.

You're the best man I'll ever know.

There's no way I can ever go,

No, no, no, no way,

No, no, no, no way I'm livin' without you.

I'm not livin' without you.

I don't want to be free.

I'm stayin',
I'm stayin',

And you, and you, you're gonna love me.

Ooh, you're gonna love me.



And I am telling you 
I'm not going,

Even though the rough times are showing.

There's just no way, 
There's no way.


We're part of the same place.

We're part of the same time.

We both share the same blood.

We both have the same mind.

And time and time we have so much to share,

No, no, no,
No, no, no,

I'm not wakin' up tomorrow mornin'

And findin' that there's nobody there.

Darling, there's no way,

No, no, no, no way I'm livin' without you.

I'm not livin' without you.



You see, there's just no way, 
There's no way.


Tear down the mountains,

Yell, scream and shout.

You can say what you want, 
I'm not walkin' out.

Stop all the rivers,

Push, strike, and kill. 
I'm not gonna leave you,

There's no way I will.



And I am telling you 
I'm not going.

You're the best man I'll ever know.

There's no way I can ever, ever go,

No, no, no, no way,

No, no, no, no way I'm livin' without you.

Oh, I'm not livin' without you,

I'm not livin' without you.


I don't wanna be free. 
I'm stayin',
I'm stayin',

And you, and you,

You're gonna love me.

Oh, hey, you're gonna love me,

Yes, ah, ooh, ooh, love me,

Ooh, ooh, ooh, love me,

Love me,
 Love me,
 Love me,
 Love me.

You're gonna love me.

shorties 4

A Yuletide Tragedy




It was the kind of night horror films are made of. His morning was bleak, the afternoon oppressive, the evening dull and now…..this. And he was in a mood that was no better. Contemplating now before the slightly distorted mirror, he was mad, afraid.

That morning’s routine passed in a blur of reflexes. Dressed in his best office attire, he hurriedly ate his breakfast and flew off to work. Arriving there, he was mobbed by the usual circle of boring faces, sniffing him like goddamned dogs.

“Uy, where’ve you been lately?”

“Look at you! You look like hell at best!”

“Why were you absent? We needed you for the reception of the Manila VIPs.”

“Our bosings are fuming like crazy!”

Which they were, he found out much too soon. The usual tired questions, advice he thought was too shallow, the lot. Yet he kept his cool; ask-me-no-questions-and-I-tell- you-no-lies attitude obvious. But deep inside, the fire was fanned. He was called by the HR Manager and the Accounting Department Head. Everybody seemed to notice him all at once and it disgusted him.

The morning gave way to the afternoon. And just when he thought he was going to have some air, his parents confronted him with the news that they knew of his politely-termed misdemeanors. And boy, did they make a fuss over it. Especially that one over smoking, drinking, and endangering his job in these times of crises. On the verge of tears, he went to a friend, his best friend.

“The gift of life is a gift of tears and laughter”, began his friend, who probably had illusions of being the male Oprah.

“I haven’t laughed in a million years.”

“That’s crap and you know it. There’s no harm in running away,” droned his friend, “provided you know what you’re running toward”.

“I was afraid of staying where I was. Anything was better,” he drawled back. All the while, he was thinking that someone somewhere was scripting this cliché-ridden conversation. It was like the Book of Proverbs was talking to Famous Sayings.

“Just what is it that they make you do, anyway?”

“The right things.”

“What’s wrong with – “the right things”?”

“Nothing; what I hate is that they expect no less!”

“Doesn’t matter. You go back now, say you’re sorry…..”

“I won’t, I can’t.”

“…..and everything’s gonna be okay, right? Be a good boy, now go!”

So now, crying before the foggy mirror, he was shocked at what he saw. Flared nostrils, bloodshot eyes, contorted grin. Sinister, he thought. But also alarmingly calm.

His hand clasped upon a gun. It came from he cannot remember where. Everything flooded upon him in an instant. They may be right but what they did not know was that he was a very lonely man, lost, confused, angry and rotting…..

He looked at his watch, realized it was midnight. A smile captured his face as he started to realize that he had been surrounded by communities of people the whole time but that they did not notice him in their happiness. Maybe just as well…..

The church bells tolled, angelic choirs rejoiced, children caroled. When nothing more is left to lose, even tears…..

He pointed the nuzzle at his head, thought that he read somewhere that this was not the right way to do it but was past caring, smiled and gently pulled the trigger…..

B A N G !

Merry Christmas.

sweat sexteen 8

a Gay Man's Life
...in song
...in 16 parts






stage 8: FIRST LOVE

you’ve had an endless string of one night stands, and you’ve added more memory to your card to accommodate your booking contact points. And then your man appears. He could be someone new who takes you on a whirlwind romance, or someone who’s been there all along.

Theme song: alipin (sung by shamrock)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XQaFAMqhLQ&feature=PlayList&p=F898155086B1D8D3&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=7


Di ko man maamin
Ikaw ay mahalaga sa akin
Di ko man maisip
Sa pagtulog ikaw ang panaginip
Malabo man ang aking pag-iisip
Sana"y pakinggan mo ang sigaw nitong damdamin

[chorus:]
Ako"y alipin mo kahit hindi batid
Aaminin ko minsan ako"y manhid
Sana at iyong nariring
Sayong yakap ako"y nasasabik...

Ayoko sa iba
Sayoako ay hindi magsasawa
Ano man ang iyong sabihin
Umasa ka ito ay diringgin
Madalas man na parang aso"t pusa
Giliw sa piling mo ako ay masaya

[chorus:]
Ako"y alipin mo kahit hindi batid
Aaminin ko minsan ako"y manhid
Sana at iyong nariring
Sayong yakap ako"y nasasabik...

[coda:]
Pilit mang abutin ang mga tala
Basta"t sa akin wag kang mawawala

Ako"y alipin mo kahit hindi batid
Aaminin ko minsan ako"y manhid
Sana ay iyong naririnig
Sayong yakap ako"y nasasabik
Pagkat ikaw lang ang nais makatabi
Malamig man o mainit ang gabi
Nais ko sana iparating na ikaw lamang
Ang siyang aking iibigin


ps. thanks to kiboy for introducing me to shamrock!

shorties 3

Freedom of Choice, 1



What a feeling it is to be married! Take it from me; I’ve been married for eleven years now and I still can’t seem to get over it…..sentimiroy effect……

I very much remember the first time Hillary and I met. There was not the cinematic thrill of the sea-breeze, nor the romance of the candlelit party, or the excitement of a social gathering nor the suspense of a blind date. It was a funeral, for Pete’s sake [and don’t ask me who Pete is…..that’s another story!]. But there was something in that small-girl look, that serene smile, the pristine face, deep-black eyes and confident bearing that taunted me. It haunted me. It got into me.

Before long, we were out on dates, having the time of our lives making faces at each other. I really am surprised that such a kaleidoscope of expressions can come out from a single face, Jim Carrey notwithstanding.

Then we have these popcorn fights – so damn North American – and silly games. It was all happening so fast and we were lost in the excitement of being with each other, being free, being happy, being ourselves and most of all, being in love.

I think that is the common link between us. Hillary wants to be herself as much as I want to be myself. The greatest thing is that we can be what we need to be, what we wish to be together and with each other! Sometimes things get so mushy we feel we ought to transfer to jobs as Hallmark and earn from our corny thoughts instead.

It was therefore inevitable that we took to living with each other and playing the husband-and-wife stuff. You know, the stuff Cardinal Sin warns us all about. But we always say that it was more than just the dull and routine man and wife thing, that it was a Hillary and I affair.

How I savored the feeling of just being with her! The feel of her long black tresses in my fingers, like silk. The smell of her, everything about her is an aphrodisiac, a stimulant and a relaxant to me. Go figure.

Many times did we sneak out for a shopping spree, then to a disco where we danced till our clothes clung to us like second skin. Then home to watch our favorite movies on betamax because we had these old beta tapes we didn’t want to throw out, laser discs be damned. Then maybe a cozy, home-cooked dinner and then – ah, bed.

There is no hurry anymore when we make love, we bask in each other. There is more to it than just lust. It is something coming from both the heart and the loins. Her expressive kisses, her passionate embraces, her loving caresses, her intelligence, her wit – God, what a feeling. What a woman!

It is now often that we talk about eloping since marriage seems to be out of the question. We don’t think marriage is cut for us. When you love each other as we do, you do not need to get married.

Besides, I am.

My wife’s name is Monica.

sweat sexteen 7

a Gay Man's Life
...in song
...in 16 parts

stage 7: GOING BACK TO MAMA

then suddenly, alien momma, the control and cleanliness freak, the saintly adviser bla-bla-bla, is there to offer a shoulder to cry on. Awww…
[luvya mom!]

theme song: dear mama (sung by tupac shakur)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNcloTmvTeA

You are appreciated. ..

When I was young, me and my mama had beef
17 years old kicked out on tha streets
though back in tha time, I never thought I'd see her face
ain't a woman alive that can take my momma's place
suspended from school, scared ta go home
I was a fool with tha big boys breaking all tha rules
shed tears with my baby sister
over tha years we wuz poorer than tha other little kids
and even though we had different daddies
tha same drama when things went wrong we blamed mama
I reminised on tha stress I caused, it wuz hell
hugg'en on my mama from a jail cell
and who'ed think in elementary, heeeey i'd see tha penitentiary
One day
running from tha Police, that's right
Momma catch me--put a whoop'en to my backside
and even as a crack fiend mama,
ya always was a black queen mama
I finally understand for a woman
it ain't easy--trying ta raise a man
ya always wuz commited, a poor single mother on welfare,
tell me how ya did it
there's no way I can pay ya back
but tha plan is ta show ya that I understand.
you are appreciated. .....

Chorus
Laaaaady, don't cha know we luv ya
Sweeeet Laaaady, place no one above ya
Sweeeet Laaaady, don't cha know we luv ya

Ain't nobody tell us it wuz fair
no luv for my daddy, cause tha coward wuzn't there
he passed away and I didn't cry
cause my anger, wouldn't let me feel for a stranger
they say i'm wrong and i'm heartless
but all along I wuz looking for a father--he wuz gone
I hung around with tha thug's and even though they sold drugs
they showed a young brother luv
I moved out and started really hang'in
I needed money of my own so I started slang'in
I ain't guilty cause, even though I sell rocks
It feels good, putting money in your mailbox
I love paying rent when tha rents due
I hope ya got tha diamond necklace that I sent to you
cause when I wuz low, you was there for me
ya never left me alone, cause ya cared for me
and I can see ya coming home after work late
ya in tha kitchen trying ta fix us a hot plate
just working with tha scraps you wuz given
and mama made miracles every Thanksgiving
but now tha road got rough, your alone
trying ta raise two bad kids on your own
and there's no way I can pay ya back
but my plan is ta show ya that I understand
you are appreciated. ....

Chorus
Laaaaady, don't cha know we luv ya
Sweeeet Laaaady, place no one above ya
Sweeeet Laaaady, don't cha know we luv ya

pour out some liquor and I remenise
cause through tha drama, I can always depend on my mama
and when it seems that i'm hopeless
you say tha words that can get me back in focus
when I wuz sick as a little kid
ta keep me happy theres no limit to tha things ya did
and all my childhood memories
are full of all tha sweet things ya did for me
and even though I act craaaazy
I got ta thank tha Lord that ya maaaade me
There are no words that can express how I feel
Ya never kept a secret, always stayed real
and I appreciate how ya raised me
and all tha extra love that ya gave me
I wish I could take tha pain away
If you can make it through tha night, there's a brighter day
everything'll be alright if ya hold on
it's a struggle
everyday gotta roll on
and there's no way I can pay ya back
but my plan is ta show ya that I understand
you are appreciated. ......

Chorus
Laaaaady, don't cha know we luv ya
Sweeeet Laaaady, place no one above ya
Sweeeet Laaaady, don't cha know we luv ya, Sweeeet Laaaady

Laaaady...[fades] ...Laaaady


ps. thanks to tupac for introducing me to tupac!

shorties 2

Shadows


It was a rainy afternoon. He was at the cemetery, standing over a very familiar tombstone. Now it looked unkempt and uncared for. She wouldn’t have liked it; she was so neat…..

It has been over two years now and he still cried his eyes out every time he visited her. Why not, he thought?

They were so young back then. But they were matured in that way that only young people can be. The department store where they first met was still small and cheap. But it also offered the best bargains in town. Which was what brought them there in the first place one evening three years before.

How beautiful she looked in sweater and maong. Love at first sight? Why couldn’t he have met her way back still? They could have had more time with each other…..

A month had passed before they finally decided they were so much in love they just had to get married. So they did, even if they were barely legal. Besides, they were tired of waiting, tired of wanting each other fully, tired of not being able to stand one more night of just kissing and groping.

He thought that it would end happily ever after. But damn those fairytales and movies, it was not to be. It was not yet two months before she was diagnosed as positive.

He did not become a father. The baby died and she followed suit due to some mumbo-jumbo and a lot of medical jargon he doesn’t want to remember. All he knew was that it was a very serious disease, and a very painful one.

Now he was back again with nothing but his tears to hide and flowers to bring. She is gone now, they tell him. But she is not really, not in his dreams and memories and in the living pictures that play like a soundtrack to the bleak movie in his heart.

She is gone now, they tell him. She’s nothing but a shadow of a dream that might have been. Yes, but what a shadow……what memories, what memories.

Years later, a priest stood over her grave with the same flowers in his hands, the same smile on his lips. How romantic, was how many would call it. But the cemetery guard thought otherwise. He would always say –

“How terrible!”

sweat sexteen 6

a Gay Man's Life
...in song
...in 16 parts

stage 6: DISAPPOINTMENT

then comes the time when everything seems dark and out of control, when it seems its you against the world. Drinks and drugs seem preferable to the agony of the emptiness inside.

Theme song: better days (sung by Dianne reeves)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlFj9iCnaIE


Silver gray hair neatly combed in place.
There were four generations of love on her face.
She was so wise, no surprise passed her eyes,
She'd seen it all.

I was a child, oh, about three or four.
All day I'd ask questions.
At night I'd ask more.
But whenever; she never, would ever, turn me away.

I'd say how can I be sure what is right or wrong ?
And why does what I want always take so long ?
Please tell me where does God live
And why won't He talk to me ?

I'd say, Grandma what is love ?
Will I ever find out ?
Why are we so poor, what is life about ?
I wanna know the answers before I fall off to sleep.

She sort of smiled as she tucked me in.
Then she pulled up that old rockin' chair once again.
But tonight she was slightly, remarkably
Different somehow

Slowly she rocked, lookin' half asleep.
Grandma yawned as she stretched.

Then she started to speak.
What she told me, would mold me, and hold me
Together inside.

She said all the things you ask
You will know someday.
But you have got to live in a patient way.
God put us here by fate
And by fate that means better days.

She said, child we are all moons in the dark of night.
Ain't no morning gonna come 'til the time is right.
Can't get to better days lest you make it through the night.
You gotta make it through the night, yes you do.

You can't get to no better days
Unless you make it through the night.
Oh, you will see those better days
But you gotta be patient.
(Be patient) oh baby, be patient.

Later that year, at the turn of spring,
Heaven sent angels down and gave Grandma her wings.
Now, she's flying, and sliding, and gliding
In better days

And although I'm all grown up
I still get confused.

I stumble through the dark
Getting bumped and bruised.
When night gets in my way
I could still hear my Grandma say
I can hear her say,
I can hear her say.

(Be patient) You can't get to no better days
Unless you make it through the night baby.
(Be patient) Oh, you will see those better days
But you gotta be patient.
Child, do you hear me, yeah.

(Be patient) You can't get to no better days
Unless you make it, you got to make it
you got to make it
You got to make it through the night

(Be patient) Oh Grandma, oh Grandma
Do you see me now, lady
Oh oh oh oh oh...

(Be patient) She used to sit me on her knee
She used to comb my hair
She used to tell me stories..
My Grandma took me everywhere